


Fool me eleven times

by spotofpurple



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Band Break Up, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Swearing, The X Factor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 13:05:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1470880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spotofpurple/pseuds/spotofpurple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It cracks and then snaps and it's Louis that says that maybe this happy and together thing is not for them after all. Maybe they should give up. And maybe they should, Harry thinks it, lets it happen and ignores the importance of letting go when it finally became bearable to hold on.</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>How eleven things went unnoticed by Harry Styles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fool me eleven times

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love :-)

Tiny indents of the life lived through like a ride on a roller coaster are everywhere now, but back then, he doesn't remember being aware that something mind-blowing was happening. Eleven times he was left dumbstruck.

Life is a bitch, pardon his carefully chosen words. It stings, pokes, shatters and heals, _not_ in that order, but Harry isn't the type to think about how it's getting worse and sadder and never better. He tries to remember the good times. Like how he felt like he held the world in his hands, 16 and joyful and fucking full of attitudes that people should carry with themselves constantly. Or at least the ones that plan to win in life should. He remembers a rooftop of the hotel in Italy, where they sneak out in the morning, liquor dripping from their lips as easy as giggles. He remembers the taste of the third bar of chocolate he devoured like a madman, delighted that he found the best friends anyone could ever want at _fucking sixteen_ and he is so far from home and he feels like the world _is_ his home and he can get drunk and do whatever the fuck he wants and swear at the sky if he pleases. It's a boom behind his half-shut eyelids, when he catches the smell of _that_ particular feeling of _„move the fuck away and watch me own it all“_. Then Louis stumbles into him, falls right across Harry in the dirt of the rooftop and the sound of Liam scolding Niall for drinking too much again whooshes in. Louis giggles, leans in and kisses him, taste of cherry liquor he has been drinking mixing with chocolate when Harry licks across his thin, red lips. And the sky explodes above him.

The second time is a while after him and Louis moved in together. He remembers rushing in and dragging himself across the hallway like a dead animal. It was spring and then it snowed suddenly, from nowhere and the whole day has been spent on the wet mud and cold concrete of a city that was still not his. Awesome and mindblowing on the good days, but today has been a tragedy. He knows he wouldn't notice this back home, stuck in the familiar warmth of it. It strikes him deep, the fear that nothing will never really be _home_ like that again. There are bare feet hanging over the top of the couch and Louis whines and lifts his head up as soon as Harry enters the living room. He is a mess of crumbled clothes that need a wash and a deep frown, grabby hands extending towards Harry. It clicks but Harry will only get it after, how there was a skip in his step for that tiny moment he needed to sink into the outstretched hands. He sniffs and Louis mumbles something and maybe they are both a little teary-eyed, two boys forgetting that living in the big world is also not having the time of your life sometimes. But the hands over his shoulders are wide and strong and the grip is fierce and warm. Maybe he will learn to call this home, he thinks. What escapes him, goes right over his head, is that nothing _else_ will ever be home again.

Then there is the first time they go to the States. Harry loves it, adores L.A. and feels it humming the exact frequency of his blood rushing in his ears. Louis is not as delighted, sure, all wide-eyed for it but not recognizing the place of his dreams as Harry is. Zayn and Niall are flirting with some girl that is supposed to film the video with them and Liam is texting Danielle in the corner, all crinkles around his eyes and biting his lips. Harry loves them, all of them, so much and very tender, but Louis is the focus, soft tune always in the background that must never stop, or Harry becomes restless. They are _something_ , but nothing defined yet. And there is a second girl, giggly and bright-eyed, staring at him like she wants to marry him if he only asks and Harry has never felt more uncomfortable in his life. The thing is, charm always came easy to him, but girls didn't, mostly because they always melted for the bad boys that didn't have their mothers drill how to be polite in all situations into their heads. Harry never got the girls, not before X Factor and now he sometimes fells like he could drown in this adoration thrown his way. It's uncomfortable but soothing in other places, so he lets it be and grins at her. Louis frowns and huffs across the room, makes it looks both obvious and innocent as he strides over and sits in Harry's lap right in front of her. Harry didn't get it in that moment, didn't get it quite a bit after either, but there was something powerful in the way he could charm people and make them swoon and fret over his moves like metal drawn to a magnet. And then the sweet joy of being claimed, clear and bright and strong, confidently enjoying the fact the he was wanted exactly where he himself wanted to be.

Of course, the rose-tinted glasses of their early days dimmed pretty soon, slowly and methodically even, leaving him awed at how he could've been such a fool to consider it all ideal for so long. It's year one of One Direction and they are a rocket aimed for outer space everywhere. It snaps slowly and Harry pieces it together even slower than he talks sometimes. Liam fights with Danielle and cries, all first heartbreak and a wounded pride and maybe it tears him up too much, because he goes out and gets a bit drunk. A bit only, but it's Liam they were talking about after all. Zayn draws back into himself and makes it look like he has secrets while he really only has a keen eye for all the trouble coming their way. Niall frets over his teeth of all things and if Harry stares at him for a bit too long when he mentions the braces, it's only because he was faintly aware that an alarm should be going off in his head when the most carefree boy in the world starts worrying whether he looks good or not. Harry doesn't piece anything together though, too caught up in burning away his baby fat and getting ink under his skin. What he really tries to chase out with the ink is Louis, a tall, slim bitch on his arm that Harry really, honestly hates and he damn well knows why. If only he was good enough to be more than an adventure for his _everything_.

He stops with despair as soon as they start their first tour. Up All Night really starts like that, Louis rocking him back and forth in their shared bed the night before they leave, whispering about public appearance and secrets that have to be kept secrets for all of their sakes and maybe he also swears on his life that Harry is his favorite person in the entire world. If Harry turns and asks for it, real and honest and simple then, Louis can later be blamed for providing. But then, Harry didn't know what he was starting, too busy moaning out loud because he was in his bedroom, packed for his first tour, losing his virginity to his boyfriend and maybe the rest of the world could kindly fuck off. They do, at least in his head and he will forever question how he convinced himself into that fairy tale then: all 5 of them up on the stage, tiny and small in retrospect but honestly the biggest Harry has ever seen and Louis loving him, teasing and whispering and sending him signs that meant _forever_ and _it's you_ and _babe, Haz_ and _Curly_. Liam and Zayn giggle over things like they are carefree (and maybe they were, maybe they all convinced themselves that they were) and Niall jumps like a lunatic everywhere, laughter contagious on his lips and choking the doubts away. Harry loves them so much, all of them, now and forever, but then, he felt like a part of a gang that stole the biggest _whatever_ right in front of people's noses and there was nobody alive that could stop them.

It turns out, there wasn't. One Direction is the biggest boyband in the world a year later, their second tour well under way and things are going well. Harry is maturing, getting his head on his shoulders set right this time. It's all well. Except the disasters all fly over him like bombs really. Liam drinks and parties and becomes a bit of a git. It's ok, Harry tells himself, everyone has a phase, but this one seems deeper than just a break-up or a hook-up or whatever he kept telling himself as the girls flowed by. Zayn gets engaged. Harry would be fucking delighted for him, except that he is left gaping like a fish, because _now_?! It doesn't even seem that it was thought through, but what can he say now? Niall starts getting the models to fall for him. It improves his confidence, yes, but there is that tiny glimmer in the way he looks at each one of them, like they are all pretty and nice but not _HER_ and could she possibly show up already because everybody has been coupled up for a long time except him. Then there are _LouisandHarry_. It's strong and good and Harry has known that he loves the man for a while now. But there are girls and girlfriends and decisions to flirt a bit here and kiss a bit more there and it makes tiny cracks everywhere, extended further by birthday parties ignored out of spite and flirting with other men occasionally just to prove a point. It doesn't matter that Harry goes out with girls to get tattoos for Louis inked on his skin. It doesn't matter that Louis takes Eleanor to Doncaster so he can sneak back home to Harry. Or it does matter, it's the only thing that really matters, but it still falls short than it would if they were two ordinary boys falling head over heels for each other on some indie music festival in the middle of fucking nowhere.

It breaks and cracks and snaps until it all comes to head at the start of Where We Are. Harry doesn't see it, isn't even told about it until two months into the tour, which is how the whole thing gets listed as number seven on the list. He is in L.A., having stayed a few days behind the boys who went to Colombia. In need of a bit of rest and not standing Eleanor paraded around South America like a trophy while she really fucking isn't, he hangs out with friends and pisses Louis off with harmless twitter flirting with a guy or two. Or by getting called on Nick's show again, alone, which is all it takes for them to fight and not talk for a few days. All it takes. Niall sleeps with a girl on their first night there and announces that he is fucking in love the next morning (Harry got informed about this the minute it happened, the rest was two months down the road). Zayn and Liam get laid too, but with each other apparently. Perrie leaves Zayn the morning after, him being unable to lie to her and Liam refuses to break-up with Sophia because (and Louis tells Harry this after two months of watching Zayn and Liam go at it like mortal enemies) he needs his sense of independence and he has been chocked up by what he feels for Zayn for long enough _thank you very much_. Louis knows this because he witnessed the fall out and patched up Zayn's bloody hands after he smashed the mirror. Niall knows this because Liam admitted that he is perhaps being an asshole but doesn't really know how to stop anymore. Harry doesn't know this because Louis forgets how to talk to him when they are fighting (and when are they not), Liam is too ashamed, Niall too in love and Zayn too miserable.

Number eight is of course two months later, when Harry finds out about it all and loses something he never really knew he could lose. Louis and him make up, properly this time, following Eleanor slapping Harry (he was being an idiot, but he really hates this girl, get with the program) and Louis screaming bloody murder at her. It reminds Harry a bit of the early days, when Louis was a mountain swaying the wind to ruffle past Harry's hair just _so_ , not cold or harsh or biting. It's a good thing that he gets reminded of that too, because he was almost on the brink of breaking down, but Louis is there, like old times and always, when it mattered at least and picks him up. Like on that night before Up All Night, Harry snuggles close and breaths him and swears on his life that this is forever. Louis stares up at him this time and sobs how it always was. In the morning, after Eleanor broke the dam on them with her angry tweet stating her and Louis were over (which she really knew the moment he refused to have sex with her three years before that, but really, Harry feels good hating her the entire time), that Louis tells him about Liam and Zayn. Harry gapes at him like a fish and gets very angry that he was not told about this. In retrospect, he could have done a better thing than slap Liam and scream at Niall for not paying any attention to anything except for that fucking girl. Louis tries to calm the situation down (and that should have been an alarm right there), but Zayn defends Liam and Liam breaks down crying and Niall is angry at all of them for hampering his happiness and that is it. That is how One Direction starts to fall apart.

At the end of the tour, Zayn and Liam are ok. Trying. To be friends, something, anything. Harry doesn't get it, would never be able to get it if Louis refused him like that, but he's learned to keep quiet about things that are not his concern. Niall is past his anger too, happier than he has ever been except when with the boys and maybe that's why he doesn't pay attention when they just pull apart at the airport and leave their own ways. Liam goes home to Sophia (who is really a smart girl and leaves him two weeks after for being blind), Zayn goes home to an empty house and Perrie's emptied out closets, a goodbye note and a promise that she will try to not hate him forever. Niall doesn't even land in England, goes straight to Ireland with Maria, clinging on for dear life, like she might slip away every minute now. Louis and Harry go home together. There is nothing stopping them from being happy this time, right? Mistake number nine.

It's like Harry doesn't know how to have a proper, open relationship. They want to come out. They want to be normal and live together, go out and just be. But they don't seem to remember how. The harsh words and snide remarks are what they wake up too. Harry knows that it's fear of it all keeping them disjoint like this, but he doesn't know how to make Louis see that he doesn't need to be scared because he's never been alone. It cracks and then snaps and it's Louis that says that maybe this _happy and together_ thing is not for them after all. Maybe they should give up. And maybe they should, Harry thinks it, lets it happen and ignores the importance of letting go when it finally became bearable to hold on.

Eleven.

Harry doesn't see how to fix it. He ends up not needing too.

Louis gets angry and it's a coincidence that Liam is close enough to hear him scream about not being able to handle it now and how some people should never be let go. It takes a bit, because Liam was a huge idiot for a while and it's rubbed into him, but he finds the way back to Zayn and apologizes, grovels, swears and all those things. Harry never thought that Liam is a noble knight like Zayn did, but apparently what Zayn thinks is the only important thing. They start _something_ and maybe it will turn out to be nothing, but One Direction started like that too, and look where that got them?

Liam of all people appears on Harry's doorstep one night and fixes it. Partly. He apologizes and he knows Harry will not gloat about being right, being Harry and all, but he does give himself the right to give out advice this time.

„You know, I didn't think me and Zayn were worth a shot after I saw what it did to you and Louis. And God knows the two of you are the closest thing to true love I'll ever see.“

Harry looks and stares and thinks about how this doesn't feel like it should be his responsibility to explain. So he doesn't.

Then it's Zayn, who Harry never stopped seeing the entire time, but a smiling and besotted Zayn this time. Harry is so, so scared for him, this fragile man with a face of a bad boy that never actually deserved any pain and who is a true knight in a shining armor instead of Liam. He is so scared that he lets it slip and Zayn actually laughs.

„Yeah, it could all go to hell soon. Maybe it will in 10 years, who knows? But you and Louis, you fought through, didn't you?“

„And look where it got us?!“ , Harry nearly screams at him.

Zayn puts on a serious expression, all sharp and chiseled as he is and stares deep into Harry's eyes. It's kind of scary how he does it, but Harry actually hears him this time.

„Who are you really scared for here H? Me or yourself?“

The question stands over his head until Niall drops in. And by drop in, Harry means literally. Maria fucked it up. It hurts, seeing Niall of all people heartbroken, but he has a tendency to surprise with grace and wisdom when you think he really, really won't. He pulls through, slowly, alternating between Louis and Harry for comfort, being the glue as usual. What emerges from it all is fantastic: a Niall Horan that finally, for once, knows he needs no girl to be as epically awesome as he is. It's like watching a miracle occur in front of him and Harry remembers how hard he wanted for Niall to find love, while all the while he needed to learn it.

Louis comes last, like hope or the flood or whatever it is that does in the proverb. He knocks at Harry's door and this is what Harry Styles never, ever expected and has been the last of those shocking turns in his life. For, you see, Louis is in sweats, hair pulled back by a bandana, rugged and unshaven and restless. But, most importantly, Louis is kneeling in front of the door.

„Come on Curly. Let's do it right finally.“, he says and Harry loses it at the start of the sentence.

Twelve never comes. Harry Styles has finally got it all figured out.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had a hard day, it's been raining, I should be working on Uni stuff, but this came out.


End file.
